What Role for Feminist Men in Social Activism?

Ana-Maria Szilagyi

How can social activist men be feminists in spaces and conversations that have historically been dominated by men?

This question has come up at different times during our group discussions. Some men expressed their difficulty in finding a balance between their individual right and desire to express themselves and their being feminists and aware of the struggles women have in speaking up and occupying the space they were historically denied.

At different points, the group has considered the effects of our social education on our group dynamics: while men are often at ease and confident in taking time to claim their space in conversations, women may struggle to enter the conversation all together. This has historical roots: while men have been socially educated to speak up, women have often been all together prevented from participating in the conversation.

In the last couple of days, some men started talking less and less; their silence was the result of not knowing how much participation is too much. That is, following the pressure the group put on eliminating gender power structures, some men preferred silence: as they did not know how much space they could take, they were afraid of recreating power structures all too present in the outside world.

While I do not want any individual, be it woman or man, to shut her/himself down, I think that this uncomfortable feeling resulting from not knowing how much space men should take in conversations is positive. At the same time, this shows that we need to work together and harder to find a way to let everyone participate while supporting women.

We are all “victims” of history: we are all born with roles and norms inherited from thousands of years of history. As such, both men and women are victims of a role that has been assigned to them. Once born, depending on our country of origins, our families and customs, we all learnt how to best navigate the roles that have been given to us, adapting them to the limitations of our societies. While both men and women are victims of a role determined by the past, men are the privileged victims in that their role is the result and continuation of those who made history: the leaders, writers and philosophers who, as we have been taught during our education, made the world as it is. For example, we do not question the role of women in the Polish Solidarity Movement: we believe it normal that men were the ones leading the Polish transition to democracy, even though the reality has been different.

In our group, we are all more or less aware of how history and our societies shape a gendered power structure. Nevertheless, there is no easy way to negotiate the roles that men and women should play in fighting for women’s rights. Should men use the confidence and power they have historically inherited to fight for women or should they support women in finding their voice while staying in the background? There are no easy answers to these questions.

The current gendered based tension in our group discussions shows that the belief in the same values is not enough: more work is required to understand how can feminist men support women in fighting for gender equality. While there is no clear-cut solution, the initial silence of men is not a bad start. The fact that some men in our group feel uncomfortable and do not know how much space they should take may be positive in the long run. This uncomfortable feeling is very similar to what women experience when they want to enter conversations with dynamics shaped by men for men. As a result of these dynamics, women are often silenced and do not hold positions of leadership in politics and business. The uneasiness that some men feel in our group shows how difficult it is to negotiate spaces that, in our societies, belong to men. While it is uncomfortable to think about how much space men should take, women more often than not question whether they should be in the room all together. As a consequence, while women challenge their historically and socially determined role as women by speaking up, men challenge theirs by thinking deeply about how to find their place in conversations while respecting and supporting women to find theirs.

Yes, it may be difficult for men to stay in the background and let women speak. It may be new and uncomfortable to think deeply about the right balance between their historical and societal privilege and their individual right and desire to speak up. Nevertheless, while it may be difficult to find the right balance, in no way is silence a solution.